More Than A Mentor

COVID 19 has given humanity something in common within a sea of diversity.  No one is exempt from this global pandemic which has changed the landscape of life as it was. The challenges have reached beyond the grief of disease and death.  People have lost jobs.  The face of education has changed.  Churches have been forced to re-examine who and what the Church really is as the big Sunday morning event has taken a nosedive.

While this uninvited obstacle has demanded changes on various social and economical levels, there are personal alterations needed as well.  This blog is about a major transformation that has exceeded my thoughts and demanded a change in my belief about my identity.  I am eternally grateful for this change, though my emotions have struggled to catch up and keep pace with what is going on in my heart.

I own two of these tee shirts

First some background, in the event you may not be aware of the journey that took me out of America and resulted in a huge love for Uganda and the people of Uganda.  In September of 2001, I took my first short-term mission trip with a team from our church to the nation of Uganda.  I think I fell in love with this nation as soon as my feet hit the tarmac at Entebbe International Airport.  I have come to believe that it was a divine infusion of God's love for the people of this nation.  It would result in a passion for the Gospel within the context of Uganda.  In a few short years, I had resigned from my job and began a nonprofit organization bearing the name of Next Generation Ministries.  My wife, Pam, and I rented a house and Uganda became our home away from home.  Our pattern was to live in Uganda for the majority of each year and return to America for a few short months in preparation for our return to the Pearl of Africa.

As a result of spending the vast majority of our lives in Uganda for the past 15 years, I feel more comfortable in Uganda than I do in America.  Our pattern of living in Uganda came to a screeching halt when the world shut down as a consequence of COVID 19.  Over the past 14 months, we abandoned four attempts to return to Uganda due to international travel restrictions and then Pam's health.  Pam had skin cancer surgeries in early 2020, then battled diverticulitis over the next couple of months, and was finally hit with debilitating pain on her right side that left her basically immobile.  The source of that pain was revealed as acute arthritis and required a complete hip replacement surgery at the end of November.

Pam's recovery was spectacular and we schedule our fourth flight for January 15th of this year.  What we failed to take into consideration was the national election that was scheduled for January 14th.  The violence in Uganda that led up to the election resulted in 54 deaths.  Unfortunately, one of our NGM vehicles was caught in a riot that resulted in broken windows.  (That vehicle has undergone complete body and restoration work now.)  Again Pam and I had to cancel our flight.

I began to realize that my contribution to the work of NGM in Uganda was going to have to come primarily from Oregon.  I scheduled Zoom meetings with the entire staff as well as Zoom, video, and audio calls with individuals.  It required long-distance relating and was frustrating for a people person like me.

I confess that my love and passion for the work of the Gospel in Uganda was so great that I struggled with the inability to physically return.  I even explored the idea with Pam of going back to Africa alone ... if she would agree, which she did ... for a short period of time, maybe four or five weeks.  But God.  God in his merciful manner exposed my misplaced priority.  It was as though He gently asked me, "So, your work in Uganda is more important to you than your marriage?"

This question was the beginning of an audit of my identity.  Though the Lord has revealed a lot about identity to me over the years, it was time for a personal checkup.  That silent and intimate audit with Him revealed that my work and the favor He gave me in it was a source of significance that was replacing the priority of intimacy with Him.  I had a picture of the Lord working over the past several months, if not the whole year, to pry my fingers, one at a time, off of the work I held in my clenched fist.

The truth is that our lives will always move in the direction of our strongest thoughts.  This is the reason followers of Jesus must have their minds renewed again and again and again.  My strongest thoughts revolved around the necessity of returning to Uganda to do what God has gifted me to do.  Even at the expense of leaving the care of my wife in the hands of others when in fact she is my first priority here on earth.

When our passions dissolve into emotions, those emotions can fight for leadership.  In reality, there are many times throughout our lives when our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings are not always aligned with one another.  As has been said, "the squeaky wheel gets the grease."  My mind was so intent on being in Uganda where I thought I could be most effective.  That thought was like a relentless squeak going off in my head.  Consequently, my life kept moving in that direction.

In reality, God gets to decide where and how we are most effective.  It has become obvious to me that I must give up that desire and offer it freely to Him.  My repentance disclosed that my absence from Uganda actually resulted in an advance of the work.  It has been a very strategic plan of God to move His work forward in a way that demonstrates it is HIS work and not mine.

Long story short?  I am more than a missionary.  More than a mentor.  I am ... as I have taught with so much passion in Uganda ... a son of God and my relationship with Him trumps all activity considered ministry or His work.  I'm enjoying that freedom and find myself looking forward to working from far.  At this point, I have no idea when Pam and I will return to Uganda.  I'm okay with that.  I believe that it was never my plan to go to Uganda 20 years ago.  I had no intention of forming a ministry called Next Generation Ministries.  I had no idea I would love this nation so much.  It's ironic that I now want to be the one in charge.  But, it is not my job to lead.  It is my job to follow.  It was then and it is now.